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What Makes the Siamese Great/Zurg and Hades Trick Helga
(At the Siamese village, Sora, Chulalongkorn, and their friends have already returned and Mongkut and his people already apologized to Double D’s group for accusing them of kidnapping Tuptim and Chulalongkorn. Right now after drying off from falling in the water earlier, a party is going on and the guests, except Sora, Riku, and Roxas, are wearing paint, kimonos, and jewelry for the females, with Skippy having his tunic off and tied around his waist. As the group watched, Mongkut is in the process of knighting Sora, Riku, and Roxas, Siamese style) Mongkut: Now, rise. Sora, Riku, and Roxas: Yes, you’re majesty. (As Mongkut is making ceremonial gestures, Kayley turned to Double D) Kayley: (Whispering) What’s King Mongkut doing, Double D? Double D: (Whispering) He’s delivering an oration, in sign language. Skippy: (Whispering) What’s he saying, Double D? (Double D, observing the gestures, translated) Double D: (Whispering) Sora Pan, Riku, and Roxas, mighty warriors, save Tuptim and Prince Chulalongkorn, pay back Zurg, Hades, and pirates, and make friends and king, heap glad. Xion: (Whispering) Well, he certainly doesn’t look heap glad. (Giggles quietly) (Mongkut then placed a big red and green kimono tunic on Sora while Tuptim placed a big blue and yellow kimono tunic on Riku, and a black and white kimono tunic on Roxas) Mongkut: I make you, Sora, Riku, and Roxas, great king and two assistant kings. You shall now be known to my people as “Little Flying Elephants.” (Sora, Riku, and Roxas whooped like an Indian and flew around while everyone cheered. When all was quiet, Sora, Riku, and Roxas landed next to Mongkut, Chulalongkorn, and Tuptim and they all seated) Mongkut: We shall not only form our two people as one, but we Siamese shall teach our new friends all about us. Ed: Cool! Double D: This should be interesting. Eddy: Yeah! Plucky: So what makes the Siamese great? Shirley and Fifi: When did he first say “Ugh?” Skippy: Why does he ask you “How?” Mongkut: Why does he ask you “How?” (The Siamese then started singing) Siamese: Hana Mana Ganda Why does he ask you “How?” Hana Mana Ganda Hana Mana Ganda (Terriermon and the kids each ate their bowls of brown rice with chopsticks and loved it) Siamese: Once the Siamese Didn’t know all the things That he know now But the Siamese He sure learned a lot Mongkut and Siamese: And it’s all from asking “How” (The Siamese then started to dance) Siamese: Hana Mana Ganda Hana Mana Ganda We translate for you Hana means what Mana means this Mongkut and Siamese: And Ganda means that too (The group then started to dance around in celebration. Kayley, Kairi, Namine, and Xion were dancing until a strict Siamese woman stopped them in their tracks with a strict look) Siamese woman: You are not allowed to dance! Go get some firewood! (Glaring that they can’t dance at all, the girls do what they were told) Siamese: When did he first say “Ugh?” Hana Mana Ganda Hana Mana Ganda When did he first say “Ugh?” Hana Mana Ganda (A Siamese couple are enjoying themselves when the wife’s mother comes in between the couple wearing a strange hat, and when the husband noticed the hat, he jumped in surprise) Siamese: In the Siamese book It say when first Siamese prince Marry a Siamese princess He gave out a heap big “Ugh” Mongkut and Siamese:' When he saw his mother-in-law' (With Sora, he watched Tuptim dancing with Chulalongkorn, Riku, and Roxas in front of them. Tuptim turned to Chulalongkorn happily and he nodded in agreement. Then Tuptim danced over to Sora) Siamese: What made the Siamese great? What made the Siamese great? (Kayley, Kairi, Namine, and Xion were carrying some firewood when they noticed Tuptim dancing up to Sora and upon seeing Tuptim lean her face on Sora’s cheek, Kairi gasped and not only did she drop the firewood in anger along with Kayley, but also became upset with jealousy while Namine and Xion placed their piles of firewood aside. After Tuptim backed away, Sora blushed and whooped like an Indian) Siamese: Let’s go back a million years To the very first Siamese prince He kissed a Siamese maiden And started to blush Mongkut and Siamese: And we’ve all been Blushing since (Seeing Sora, Tuptim, Riku, Roxas, and Chulalongkorn having fun, Mongkut started dancing some more like mad) Siamese: Now you’ve got it Right from the head Siamese The real true story Of the red Siamese No matter what’s been Written or said Hana Mana Ganda Mongkut and Siamese: Now you know Why the Siamese are great (Then more dancing like mad happened as the girls watched in concern, with Kairi crying softly. Suddenly, Blossom and Double D comes up to them in concern) Blossom: The others are starting to act like those Siamese suddenly. Namine: (Concerned) They are? (They noticed Ed, Eddy, Terriermon, Skippy, and Buttercup dancing by) Eddy: Yahoo! Buttercup: Oh yeah! Ed: Woop-woop! Kayley: (Concerned) Guys? (Bubbles then comes up to them and hands her Octi to Kayley) Bubbles: Servant girls take Octi doll. (Bubbles then went back to dancing and acting like an Indian) Xion: (Concerned) Bubbles? (Suddenly, the strict Siamese woman came up to them angrily) Siamese woman: I told you to get firewood! (Finally losing their patience, Double D and the girls lashed out at her) Kayley: Yeah, well, we’re done! Blossom: These girls have been through enough! Double D: Have you no sympathy?! Xion: We’re now going home! Namine: So you gather firewood! Kairi: (Sobbing) And tell Sora I have a few angry words to say to him when we meet up back home! (They storm off with Kayley carrying Octi) Siamese woman: (Confused) Was it something I said? (With that, Double D and the girls left the Siamese village to go back to Acme’s Tree. In the forest nearby the Siamese village, Helga, Phoebe, and two nine year old boy fairies saw the whole thing. The first boy has a football-shaped head, big blonde hair that is sticking out of both sides like wings, royal blue dragonfly-like wings, and wearing a small blue hat, a blue long-sleeved button-up shirt over a red long-sleeved checkered button-up shirt, dark blue pants, and black shoes. He is Arnold Shortman, a kind-hearted good advice-giving boy that Helga secretly likes. The other boy is black with a long thick black tube hair sticking up, dark red dragonfly-like wings, and wearing a red long-sleeved shirt with a white neck rim and a big white number 33 on the front, dark blue pants, and red and white shoes. He is Gerald Johansen, Arnold’s best friend and another boy that Phoebe likes) Helga: (Angrily) Now Kairi understands how I felt before! Phoebe: But you did try to get rid of her, Kayley, Namine, and Xion before. Gerald: Phoebe has a point. Helga: I know that! I’m glad you told me Sora, Riku, and Roxas gave me a one week banishment and you insisted on having Arnold and Gerald keep us company, but I don’t want to hear another word about Kayley, Kairi, Namine, nor Xion, ever! Arnold: But you don’t understand! Gerald: Phoebe told me and Arnold what happened while you were gathering some berries…! Helga: What is it that I don’t understand, Arnoldo and Geraldo?! (Before Arnold and Gerald could answer, they, along with Phoebe, noticed a pair of teal amoeba-like hands carrying a gray fedora emerging from the bushes) Helga: What? Arnold, Gerald, and Phoebe: Helga, look out! (They fly away, but just when Helga noticed and was about to fly away, the hat caught her and the amoeba-like hands encased her within it. The figure emerged, revealed to be Amoeba Bossman. With him, Pain, Panic, Warp, the Gangreen Gang, and the other two Amoeba Boys emerged and smiled smugly, seeing they accomplished their mission) Ace: Now let’s go back to the ship! Mates: Right! Panic: Boy, Captain Zurg and Admiral Hades are gonna be happy about this! Amoeba Boys: Yeah! Warp: Imagine the sweet taste of revenge! (Snake and Arturo turned to Helga in Amoeba Bossman’s hat) Snake: Ssssssssorry to do thissssss to you, Helga. Arturo: But Captain Zurg and Admiral Hades would like a word with you. (With that, they left with Helga in tow. After they were gone, Arnold, Gerald, and Phoebe came out of hiding and looked concerned) Arnold: I got a bad feeling about this. Phoebe: My sentiments exactly. Gerald: I have a feeling this word with her is gonna be bad. Arnold: Let’s go follow them and see what’s up. Gerald: You’re right. Let’s go for it. (They nod and with that, flew to Zurg and Hades’ ship. Later, they arrive at the window leading to the captain and admiral’s headquarters and peeked in there. Inside, they see Zurg playing on his piano and Hades seated next to him while Helga is seated on a cork on a closed empty beer bottle. Warp, Pain, Panic, the Gangreen Gang, and the Amoeba Boys are seated near the piano with Snake holding a wine bottle in his hand) Phoebe: (Whispering) What’s going on, I wonder? (They listen in. In the quarters, Helga spoke up) Helga: (Skeptically) So you give up finally? Zurg: Yes, Helga. Hades: Captain Zurg and Admiral Hades admit defeat. Helga: (Unsure) Okay. Hades: Tomorrow, we’re packing up and leaving the island, never to return. Zurg: That’s right. (After Snake drank some wine, he got excited along with Billy, Pain, and Panic) Billy: That’s really great, Captain and Admiral! Pain and Panic: Yeah! Snake: We’ll go tell the crew and we will...! (Ace shuts them up with a slap) Billy, Pain, Panic, and Snake: Ow! Ace: (Through gritted teeth) Ix-nay on the eaving-lay! (Understanding his Pig Latin, Billy, Pain, Panic, and Snake calmed down. Zurg and Hades then continued their conversation with Helga) Zurg: And that’s why we asked you over. Hades: Just to tell Sora, Riku, and Roxas that we bear them no ill will. (Zurg plays a couple notes) Hades: Well, Sora, Riku, and Roxas have their own faults, I can honestly say. Zurg: Such as bringing Kayley, Kairi, Namine, and Xion to the island. That is dangerous business. Hades: Indeed. Helga: (Enraged) I know! Who do those girls think they are?! (After Hades plays a couple of suspenseful notes, he resumed speaking with Zurg playing still) Zurg: Why, I hear rumors that those girls have already come between you and those boys. Hades: Particularly the strong love between Sora and Kairi, Riku and Xion, and Roxas and Namine. (Helga begins to tear up upon hearing this) Helga: (Tearfully) They have. (Zurg and Hades noticed and pretended to be shocked along with Ace and Warp) Zurg: And what’s this? Hades: Tears? Warp: So it is true. (Helga nodded sadly and started to cry softly. Zurg and Hades turned to the mates in pretend sympathy and sadness) Hades: Oh, listen to this, guys. The way of a man with a maiden. Taking the best years of their lives and then.... (During this speech, Snake stopped drinking his wine to listen. After Billy accidentally stepped on Pain’s foot, Pain angrily glared at him, but then listened some more. After saying this, Hades lets out a fake sob) Hades: (Fake sobs) Casting her aside. Zurg: Like an old glove. Hades: That’s right. (Snake and the Amoeba Boys started to cry for real, feeling bad for Helga while the other mates, despite pretending to be sympathetic, got annoyed by that) Amoeba Boys: (Sobs) How sad! Snake: (Crying) Ain’t that a real...? (Sobs) Shame? (Ace, looking annoyed, gave Snake a handkerchief, and Snake blew his nose on it) Ace: (Mumbling to the other mates) They get emotional easily. Panic: (Mumbling) No kidding, Ace. Warp: (Mumbling) At least we don’t get emotional to sad moments. (Zurg then hands Helga his handkerchief for Helga to cry on) Zurg: But we mustn’t judge Sora, Riku, and Roxas too harshly, my dear. Hades: I agree. It’s those girls, Kayley, Kairi, Namine, and Xion, who’re to blame! Helga: (Wiping a tear away) Yeah! I agree! (Zurg and Hades turned to their henchmen after getting up, with Snake and the Amoeba Boys still crying) Zurg: Guys, we must save those boys from themselves. Hades: But how? (Snake and the Amoeba Boys cried out one last time before Ace smacked them in order to make them stop crying and making Snake drop the handkerchief) Ace: Stop your crying, you wimps! Pain: We don’t know, Captain and Admiral. Hades: We have so little time. Zurg: And besides, we’re sailing in the morning.... (Suddenly, he and Hades pretended to have an idea as Helga finished her crying) Zurg and Hades: Sail? That’s it! (The mates got confused) Amoeba Bossman: What’s it? Amoeba Slim and Amoeba Shorty: Yeah, what’s it? Zurg: We’ll shanghai Kayley, Kairi, Namine, and Xion! (Helga listened in on the plan) Billy and the Amoeba Boys: Shanghai Kayley, Kairi, Namine, and Xion, Captain and Admiral? Hades: And no, it’s not the city in China we’re talking about. Zurg: Very good, Hades. Anyway, we’ll just take those girls to sea with us. Hades: Yeah, with them gone, Sora, Riku, and Roxas will soon forget this mad infatuation. (Hearing this, Helga got excited that she threw the handkerchief aside) Zurg: Now, let’s go! We’ll leave at once, surround Sora, Riku, and Roxas’ home...! (Pretending to realize that they don’t know where Sora, Riku, and Roxas’ hideout is, Pain and Panic spoke up) Pain: But Captain and Admiral, we don’t know where Sora Pan, Riku, and Roxas’ home is! Panic: Pain has a point. (Zurg and Hades pretended to be shocked) Zurg: My gosh! Hades: You’re right, Pain and Panic! (Suddenly, Helga flew up in the air) Helga: I know where it is! (Zurg and Hades pretended to be confused) Zurg and Hades: What’s that? (Helga flew on the desk where the map of Dreamland is) Helga: I can show you the way! (Zurg and Hades then pretended to be interested) Zurg: You could show us the way? Hades: Why I never thought of that. (Zurg and Hades whispers to Warp and Pain and Panic respectively) Zurg: (Whispering) Take this down. Hades: (Whispering) And make it snappy! Warp, Pain, and Panic: (Whispering) Right. (Warp picked up a piece of paper and a pencil. Outside, Arnold, Gerald, and Phoebe realized what’s going on) Gerald: (Whispering) They’re gonna make Helga reveal where Sora, Riku, and Roxas live! Arnold: (Whispering) We have to hurry and open this porthole! (They nod and using some of their magic, tried to pry open the porthole. Inside, Helga then dipped her feet into the ink and began to walk on the map starting from the location of Zurg and Hades’ ship) Zurg and Hades: Start at Bandana Point. Pain and Panic: Bandana Point. Warp: (While writing) Don’t repeat them. Zurg and Hades: Forty paces west to Aquatic Man’s Bluff. Pain and Panic: Aquatic Man’s Bluff. Warp: (While writing) I said don’t repeat. Pain and Panic: Sorry. Zurg and Hades: Okay, jump across Krookodile Creek and then, north by northeast, one, two, three.... (Helga stopped suddenly and turned to Zurg and Hades in suspicion. Hades then almost loses his patience) Hades: Well, get on with...! (He calms down after Zurg secretly motions him to stop) Hades: I mean, continue on. (Helga then flew up to Zurg and Hades’ faces) Helga: If I show you Sora, Riku, and Roxas’ hideout, you have to promise me not to harm the three of them! Zurg: We mustn’t harm Sora, Riku, and Roxas? Hades: Madame! Zurg and Hades: Captain Zurg and Admiral Hades give their word not to lay a finger on.... Helga: Or your hook or fire! Zurg: Or a hook…. Hades: Or fire…. Zurg and Hades: On Sora Pan, Riku, and Roxas. Helga: Done. (Helga flies to the map and rubbing the last bit of ink off her feet, makes an x over the location of Acme’s Tree) Helga: Right here! Zurg: So, Acme’s Tree, huh? Hades: Acme’s Tree, huh? So that’s where they live. (Zurg picks up Helga, who got confused suddenly) Helga: What are you doing to me? Zurg: Thanking you. You’ve been.... (Hades opens a nearby lantern and Zurg throws Helga in there. Then Hades quickly closed it and locked it) Zurg: Most helpful! (He and Hades chuckled evilly. Helga was shocked) Helga: Wait! Let me out! Zurg: No way. You’re gonna witness our victory tomorrow. Hades: So sit back and enjoy the show. Helga: (Confused) Victory? Show? (Realizes) What?! You promised not to hurt...! Zurg and Hades: We lied! Helga: (Angrily) So using me to locate their hideout was your idea! Zurg and Hades: Exactly. (To their henchmen) Right? (The Gangreen Gang then high-fived in agreement while Zurg placed his silver hook back on) Ace: We’re finally gonna get those brats! Arturo: Yeah! Snake: Talk about a little tasssssste of revenge bessssst sssssserved cold! (Grubber blows a raspberry in agreement) Billy: Duh, my sentiments exactly, Grubber! (While Billy said this, Zurg and Hades heard the porthole hinge creak and got suspicious that they quieted their henchmen. Arnold, Gerald, and Phoebe tried to stay hidden behind the objects on another desk) Zurg: Hold on! (He and Hades smell the air) Hades: I smell something childish. (Amoeba Bossman smelled the air too) Amoeba Bossman: Well, we have been carrying Helga here. Warp: And she’s kind of a child. Zurg: Not you two lamebrains! (He and Hades noticed the porthole is opened and saw some glows behind the objects) Zurg: It’s coming from over there. Hades: (To Pain and Panic) Go see what it is. (Arnold, Gerald, and Phoebe tried to sneak away when Pain grabbed Arnold with one hand and Gerald in the other and Panic grabbed Phoebe) Zurg: It smells like a trio of fairy eavesdroppers. (Surprised and shocked, Helga became concerned) Helga: Let them go now! Arnold: She’s right! If you ever try to hurt any of us, especially Sora, Riku, and Roxas, we will make you sorry! (After a short pause, Zurg, Hades, and their henchmen laugh at this) Zurg: (Mockingly) What are you going to do? Sprinkle fairy dust on us to make us sleep? (He and Hades turned to Pain and Panic) Zurg: Put them in the lantern with Helga. Hades: Like he said. Pain: Right away. Panic: As you command! (Pain and Panic throws Arnold, Gerald, and Phoebe in the same lantern Helga is in and Panic locks it) Hades: Now be good kids and stay! Zurg: That’s right! (With that, Zurg, Hades, and the henchmen left the captain and admiral’s headquarters. Arnold, Gerald, and Phoebe turned to Helga in anger) Gerald: I can’t believe you did this to Sora, Riku, and Roxas! Helga: How was I supposed to know they tricked me?! Gerald: Well, you probably should’ve realized that before! (Arnold and Phoebe, upon noticing Helga becoming sad and full of guilt upon Gerald’s words, stopped being angry and motioned Gerald to look) Arnold: Gerald…. Phoebe: Look at Helga…. (Helga lowered her head down in sadness, full of guilt. Gerald noticed and his anger melted away too) Gerald: Sorry. Helga: No, you’re right. I’m the sorry one. I never meant for this to happen. Arnold: We understand. Phoebe: And I know you don’t want to hear what Kayley, Kairi, Namine, and Xion have to say, but.... Helga: No, it’s okay. Tell me. (Arnold and Gerald nods to Phoebe and she turned to Helga) Phoebe: Kayley, Kairi, Namine, and Xion said they didn’t mean to make you jealous. Gerald: In fact, they just want you and them to be friends. And that they’ll share Sora, Riku, and Roxas with you. Arnold: And they’ll never make you jealous again. So find it in your heart to reconcile with them when we get out of this. Helga: Really? Arnold: Yeah. Because if you redeem yourself, Sora and his friends will consider that action as a “Forgiveness is divine” type moment. (Hearing those words, Helga, mixed with guilt and sadness, understood finally) Helga: Thank you, Arnold, Gerald, Phoebe. (She then got determined) Helga: Let’s try and escape and help them, especially Kayley, Kairi, Namine, and Xion! Are you with me? Arnold, Gerald, and Phoebe: Yeah! Gerald: We are bold kids. Crazy, but bold. (Phoebe studied the metal on the lantern) Phoebe: Alright, I just need to make it wobble until it falls down, so that way the glass around us will break and free us. Helga: And how long will that take? Phoebe: My estimations say in 24 hours. Arnold, Gerald, and Helga: 24 hours?! Phoebe: Yes. I’m afraid that’s true. Arnold: Then we better hurry! Helga: I agree with Football Head! Gerald: Phoebe, do your stuff! Phoebe: Okay! (Then, Phoebe began to slowly shoot a laser at the edge of the metal to make the lantern wobbly enough for it to fall in 24 hours as Arnold, Gerald, and Helga looked on in hope and determination) Coming up: At Acme’s Tree, Sora and Kairi reconcile for what happened with Tuptim before and then Kayley, Namine, Xion, and a reluctant Kairi, reveal a beautiful story about mothers to the other kids as Zurg, Hades, and their crew get ready to capture all of them except Sora, Riku, and Roxas, when they come out. Category:Fan Fiction Category:Peter Pan Fanmakes Category:Peter Pan Parodies